Bitterness

Hey Guys,

Something that has been plaguing my life lately is this idea of bitterness. Both generically in the idea of bitterness and the reality of being bitter towards people.

It has been a blessing and a curse that I have a decent memory. One great thing is that it helps me remembers useless facts and details about people. However the more negative side of it is that I always seem to remember when someone wronged me. Which proves negative for relationships, friendships and any human interaction.

Seemingly lately I have begun to realize that as little as I would like to admit it I am holding on to bitterness. The stupid thing about this  is that it does nothing for you. It does not even effect the person you are upset with. All it does is negatively affect you or in this case me.

I have been trying to spend this last week (weeks) to rid myself of the bitterness that has been dwelling within my life. In many ways to cleanse myself of this junk in my life. What I am finding is that although there is bitterness towards other people there is also bitterness towards myself. It is one of these vicious cycles in my life where I am upset with people, hurt and frustrated. Then in return I am angered with myself for not allowing these things to be let go.

As I am realizing I hold onto issues whether it has been frustration with my parents, or friends that have let me down, to not getting a job to anything along those lines I like to hold onto bitterness and pain.  

If there is anything I have been learning this last week it boils down to this point, let it go and lay it down. It is not healthy to hold on to these things, regardless the depths of how someone has hurt you, frustrated you, or anything holding onto bitterness does nothing except limit you.

Much Love,

Christian Sawka

Jump off a Bridge

This blog was published at (http://www.jesusbigger.ca/1/post/2012/06/go-jump-off-a-bridge.html) go check it out!

A while back I tried bungee jumping.

Now, for some of you that does not seem like a big deal, but for a guy who is terrified of heights, bungee jumping is a bigger deal. I'm scared of heights and I'm scared of falling (same same but different), but basically what it all comes down too is, I'm scared of not being in control.

There is amazing clarity that comes with jumping off a bridge. In those two or three seconds where you are absolutely helpless and are free-falling with complete hope in a plastic cord to save your life you can really come to grips with truth. And in those moments I realized I love to be in control.

I'm not alone. We are a culture that loves to be in charge, make our own decisions and dictate the circumstances of our lives. And I'm right there with you: whether it is with my summer job, my future calling in life, my where I am living or any single thing I am involved with—I want to be control.

I've been taught my whole life that the answer to any problem is to take the reigns and deal with it, 'If you want something done right, do it yourself', right? In these last weeks I have seen all my plans fall through, I am still painting (houses), living at home and have no idea where God is taking me. Suddenly I am in a place where I have been reminded of who is actually in charge of my life.

There is a proverb in the Bible that says, “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” This is where I find my peace. Knowing that the God of the Bible is directing my path allows me to rest and trust that I do not need to stress about every detail of my life and that ultimately He will lead me. I believe He's smarter than I am, he's stronger than I am, and that He loves me. I believe I can trust him.

Here's the thing, I constantly forget that God is in control of my life; my present and my future. There's that cliché statement that I have heard, 'if you want God to laugh show him your plans'.

I Stress. Over-think. Process. Plan. Dream. Predict. Wish. About my life and future. But God's got this and maybe I need to work a little harder at reminding myself of who's actually in control. Because what it comes down to is this other great proverb...“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”  (Proverbs 3:5-6)

I spend the majority of my time leaning on my own understanding and not acknowledging God; trying to be in control. But it those times that I remember that God is in control that I find a great peace and I can jump off the bridge.

To Be Bold and Daring

Hello,

It is now 1am in the morning (or night) and I am profoundly overcome with the concept of what it means to be bold and daring.

What does it truly mean to be bold and daring?

Being Bold is described as “Showing an ability to take risks; confident and courageous.” to be daring is to be “venturesomely bold in action or thought”. Hence I sit here wondering am I either of these?

The reason I ask myself these questions is this, I've been a Christian the entirety of my life. Since before I can remember I have been, since before I knew what a Christian was I have followed God. Yet I would never define myself as a 'Bold' Christian, or a 'Daring' Christian let alone even remotely courageous.

I am terrified to share with people that I am a Christian (more than my name), fearful to share in case I offend them, upset them. It gets worse, I fear most of all what people will think of me if they found out 'my secret'. But at some point or another we have to make a choice, am I going to stand boldly or stand at all?

So here I sit, 1am in the morning making a choice to live boldly, not in fear!

What does that look like is a difficult question, what does that make life look like even more difficult, and what is the cost going to be. All tough questions. Life is a journey that for once I plan to live in courageously.

Christian Sawka