Prayer?

What does it mean to be a man (woman) of disciple? This is a term we use almost regularly to be disciplined. Currently I am doing an internship at my church and I am in charge of ‘prayer administration’ a big title it would so seem. I am a man of ambition and discipline sometimes gets lost. I will be a man of vision but the day to day work almost seems like impossibility.

As this is the most impactful thing to me right now what does it mean to have a disciplined and yep real prayer life? I am not all for spending the exact same moment every day in prayer, but nor am I fully on board for the pray whenever. Both have their negatives and positives.

 I am not going to try and tell you I know the answer, but somewhere along we lost both of these. I’ve lost both of these. I grew in a family where you would pray before every meal, before bed. Well as you grow older that is just no longer cool so I left out that and told myself well ill just pray to myself. Who am I lying my prayer life and my disciplined life is floundering at best.

I met with a great woman today who left me with some resources about prayer, disciplined life and how to develop that in people. After going through one resource I am left with this one impactful statement, “Prayer level will never raise higher than the leader”. I believe this quote can be used for so much not just prayer life but any form of leadership. People you are leading can only grow as much as the leader.

Therefore, if I want to lead this prayer ministry properly, if I want to see my ministry grow I must first disciple myself before God and grow my prayer life. How else can one do anything except through God?

Battle of the Soul

Yesterday I was reminded and was taught something by a friend who was younger than me. I admired his courage and strength to open up about struggles. As if that reminder was not enough, another friend of mine who was younger as well came to me and shared his struggles with courage. I sat there for a while and it made me think, do I share? Do I have the courage to share? Do I even have the humility to admit that I am not perfect? 

I admired these guys courage for they are more courageous then I feel I have ever been.

I cannot help be remind that there is a constant battle for our souls.  A constant battle between what is good and what is bad and the choices we make. Even if you are reading this and you are a not a Christian, you have to admit that there are always choices to make between good and evil. A term coined to describe this is the “battle of the flesh”. It is this idea that we struggle with between knowing what we should do and doing what we should. Especially for Christians, where we are called to live as such strong examples for Christ and yet, we constantly feel like we are setting a bad example. We know what we ought to do but how often do we truly do what we ought?

To you guys who shared your struggles, who were able to be courageous I commend you for showing me that there is hope. And for those who are struggling I encourage you to share with people close to you. Overcome this battle of the flesh.

Goodbye for now,

Christian

Prayer

God, today I ask for strength, boldness and courage. In the days I feel the weakest I need these the most because it becomes so easy to become timid, to hide and to hold onto my struggles. Lord I struggle when trying to show an example of who you are, Lord oh how I struggle. I prayer for my battle against the flesh, because there is nothing that compares to your great love and care oh Lord. Your thoughts outnumber the grains of sand amongst the sea and I know you are watching over, guiding and blessing my path. I thank You. Amen.

Prayer

October 24^th 2011

Today in my darkest hour is when I need you the most, today just as yesterday and forever I will need more of you of Lord. I am lost, and I am alone. I rarely feel like I am good enough, or even able enough to receive your grace, mercy, peace and love. “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” (Psalm 23:4) In these times I am reminded that nothing else will comfort me. No friend, no councillor, no nothing except for you oh Lord. I am prideful Lord; I struggle to humble myself down and Lord that hardens my heart. Lord, I long to experience your holiness, I long to feel your embrace and I long for your presence. Nothing on this earth or on this world compares to that oh Lord. Be my strength, be my wisdom and be the lamp unto my feet. I need you now more than ever, awaken my heart oh God.

Fear

Hey Guys,

It will never stop amazing me how fear can not only limit our ability but manipulate it. Recently it has come up in my life that I live a life that is crippled by fear. It is not something that I like to parade around, or let alone talk about but the truth of the matter is fear has such a control on my life it is scary. Now, I am not just talking about the simplistic fears we deal with, spiders or needles but the deep rooted fears we have in life. Such as fear of failure, fear of uncertainty, fear of success and the list goes on. For me personally I am currently dealing with the largest one of my fears. Which in my life, my fear of failure has plagued my life over and over.

Fear of failure is a rather simple one for anyone that knows me, I am rather competitive and the idea of losing is a difficult concept for me to wrap my mind around. But how does one manage to get over this fear? Do we one day wake up and it is gone? As I am beginning to take on more responsibility in life my fear of failing is becoming more prominent than ever. It seems when there is more on the line fear increases. As I attempt to try and lead or run any form of a group there is a exponential increase in my fear because people are reliant upon me. I wish I had the answers to these questions but I am finding more and more it is going to be something that will plague me for a long time. However it still comes down to a choice at the end of the day, do I want to live in fear?

Goodbye for now,

Christian