Bitterness

Hey Guys,

Something that has been plaguing my life lately is this idea of bitterness. Both generically in the idea of bitterness and the reality of being bitter towards people.

It has been a blessing and a curse that I have a decent memory. One great thing is that it helps me remembers useless facts and details about people. However the more negative side of it is that I always seem to remember when someone wronged me. Which proves negative for relationships, friendships and any human interaction.

Seemingly lately I have begun to realize that as little as I would like to admit it I am holding on to bitterness. The stupid thing about this  is that it does nothing for you. It does not even effect the person you are upset with. All it does is negatively affect you or in this case me.

I have been trying to spend this last week (weeks) to rid myself of the bitterness that has been dwelling within my life. In many ways to cleanse myself of this junk in my life. What I am finding is that although there is bitterness towards other people there is also bitterness towards myself. It is one of these vicious cycles in my life where I am upset with people, hurt and frustrated. Then in return I am angered with myself for not allowing these things to be let go.

As I am realizing I hold onto issues whether it has been frustration with my parents, or friends that have let me down, to not getting a job to anything along those lines I like to hold onto bitterness and pain.  

If there is anything I have been learning this last week it boils down to this point, let it go and lay it down. It is not healthy to hold on to these things, regardless the depths of how someone has hurt you, frustrated you, or anything holding onto bitterness does nothing except limit you.

Much Love,

Christian Sawka

Jump off a Bridge

This blog was published at (http://www.jesusbigger.ca/1/post/2012/06/go-jump-off-a-bridge.html) go check it out!

A while back I tried bungee jumping.

Now, for some of you that does not seem like a big deal, but for a guy who is terrified of heights, bungee jumping is a bigger deal. I'm scared of heights and I'm scared of falling (same same but different), but basically what it all comes down too is, I'm scared of not being in control.

There is amazing clarity that comes with jumping off a bridge. In those two or three seconds where you are absolutely helpless and are free-falling with complete hope in a plastic cord to save your life you can really come to grips with truth. And in those moments I realized I love to be in control.

I'm not alone. We are a culture that loves to be in charge, make our own decisions and dictate the circumstances of our lives. And I'm right there with you: whether it is with my summer job, my future calling in life, my where I am living or any single thing I am involved with—I want to be control.

I've been taught my whole life that the answer to any problem is to take the reigns and deal with it, 'If you want something done right, do it yourself', right? In these last weeks I have seen all my plans fall through, I am still painting (houses), living at home and have no idea where God is taking me. Suddenly I am in a place where I have been reminded of who is actually in charge of my life.

There is a proverb in the Bible that says, “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” This is where I find my peace. Knowing that the God of the Bible is directing my path allows me to rest and trust that I do not need to stress about every detail of my life and that ultimately He will lead me. I believe He's smarter than I am, he's stronger than I am, and that He loves me. I believe I can trust him.

Here's the thing, I constantly forget that God is in control of my life; my present and my future. There's that cliché statement that I have heard, 'if you want God to laugh show him your plans'.

I Stress. Over-think. Process. Plan. Dream. Predict. Wish. About my life and future. But God's got this and maybe I need to work a little harder at reminding myself of who's actually in control. Because what it comes down to is this other great proverb...“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”  (Proverbs 3:5-6)

I spend the majority of my time leaning on my own understanding and not acknowledging God; trying to be in control. But it those times that I remember that God is in control that I find a great peace and I can jump off the bridge.

To Be Bold and Daring

Hello,

It is now 1am in the morning (or night) and I am profoundly overcome with the concept of what it means to be bold and daring.

What does it truly mean to be bold and daring?

Being Bold is described as “Showing an ability to take risks; confident and courageous.” to be daring is to be “venturesomely bold in action or thought”. Hence I sit here wondering am I either of these?

The reason I ask myself these questions is this, I've been a Christian the entirety of my life. Since before I can remember I have been, since before I knew what a Christian was I have followed God. Yet I would never define myself as a 'Bold' Christian, or a 'Daring' Christian let alone even remotely courageous.

I am terrified to share with people that I am a Christian (more than my name), fearful to share in case I offend them, upset them. It gets worse, I fear most of all what people will think of me if they found out 'my secret'. But at some point or another we have to make a choice, am I going to stand boldly or stand at all?

So here I sit, 1am in the morning making a choice to live boldly, not in fear!

What does that look like is a difficult question, what does that make life look like even more difficult, and what is the cost going to be. All tough questions. Life is a journey that for once I plan to live in courageously.

Christian Sawka

Worth the Cost?

Hey Guys,

I know I have written before on dreams and ambitions. However tonight I had a conversation that made me think, how much will I sacrifice for these?

Since I was young, I was encouraged to pursue my dreams, to aim big and to go for it. The older I get I am starting to see that these dreams come at a cost.

That 100% pursuing of something requires a sacrifice. We simply have to ask ourselves are we willing to count the cost?

Is the cost worth the gain?

That is a question I have been continually asking myself over and over in this last year. Is the goal worth the cost. Sacrificing 'fun' or 'entertainment' all for the pursuit of something greater.

Being a Christian (in name and religion) I am called to sacrifice everything and pursue God, to let nothing hold us back. I have to continually ask myself is it worth it, is sacrificing everything and pursuing God worth it? I would be lying through my teeth if I did not say this was a tough question for me or for any believer. Is complete sacrifice worth it?

The thing with doubt is this, you first must believe in something in order to doubt it! You must first believe in order to doubt. So here I am nearing 1am in the morning wondering am I able to sacrifice everything?

To sacrifice everything I have for my dreams, my ambitions and for my God?

Much Love,

Christian Sawka

Limits

Hey Guys,

Well it feels like it has been a century since I last posted, but I think I needed to take a break. I am considering blogging on a continually basis again but there are a few things I have to work out first.

I think the biggest thing for me to work through is am I able to share my struggles publicly again? Am I actually able to admit I am not perfect. That I am nothing more than human. It is a weird reality we need to come to every once in a while that I am nothing more than human.


I cannot fix the world, I cannot do everything and I certainly cannot be everything. I need to learn to come to terms with the fact that I have my limitations. Now that last statement I wrote for most people is a 'Yeah, duh!' statement but for me that is a profound revelation going on there. For me to admit that I have limit has come through many humbling experiences.

It is a great thing to understand our limitations because we need to know what we can do. The older I become (and I am not that old) I realize there is a need to learn that I cannot do everything. I have spend my whole life trying to be everything and do everything. But sometimes you need to stop, wait around and smell the roses. Slow down and enjoy the road you are one.

Basically my points comes down to this, we are on a journey and if your goal is to constantly get ahead you will always try to get ahead, it will consume you. Take the time to rest like I have and hopefully it will have the same affect.

Christian