Friday, April 15, 2011

Guys, Girls, Friends?

Hey Guys,

Something that has been on my mind lately and has been on my mind since probably grade 10 is this idea can guys and girls just be friends? Now, before I start I do believe there are people who can be friends with no problems what so ever, who can just be friends. For me however, I have had difficulties just being friends with girls. I do not think that it is impossible, it is just difficult for me. The reason I think it is difficult for me and for most guys and girls is because of a few reasons, the natural physical attraction that happens, the comfortably that happens and the longing for companionship. This is just my experience and basically what I can pass on.

First, is this idea of physical attraction. I know that may seem extremely basic and self-explanatory but from what I have learned physical attraction is almost always there. Whether there is a large amount or just a minor attraction there is almost always a level of physical attraction even between friends. Especially at the beginning of a friendship. Over time I would like to believe that physical attraction goes away but at the beginning there is definitely the attraction. This is normal however I would find it  weird if there was zero attraction. I believe as us just being human if we are friends with someone there is going to a level of physical attraction. 

There is also a level of comfortably that happens with being friends. This is a good and bad thing. It is good because you want to be comfortable with you friends and share what is going on. Maybe it is only me but I also feel more comfortable with sharing with girls. This is not always a bad thing though, it does allow me to talk to people. My fear and what has happened in my life already is this feeling more comfortable with my friends as girls and limit my willingness to open up to my girlfriend. I am slowly becoming a firm believer in not having a large amount of girls as friends while being in a relationship. This is my fear in a way if guys and girls can be friends because eventually one female or male will have to be your one person. Someone once ask me what is the point then of even being friends if in the end you will just end it when you get a wife? Well I am starting to think like all friendships they need to change over time. But this is something to figure out what you guys individually think. Do you think guys and girls can be friends and stay friends through everything?

Lastly is companionship I think the reason that guys and girls have troubles being friends is that in some way or another we all long for companionship. This is a problem I have which is a long for companionship, I hate being alone I would rather have someone by my side. The healthy way would be to deal with my problems, get in a healthy relationship and then fill the void that way. However my problem is a try to fill that with different friendships. This is just me and why I have troubles with girls and guys being friends.

I am not saying guys and girls cannot be friends. I am saying though with me I have troubles especially in my past just being friends with girls. I am getting a lot better however. Especially in my small group at church I am learning how to just be friends with girls. One tip, hang out in groups not one on one. This is just me and my thoughts about guys and girls being friends. I am positive some people out there are better at being just friends then I am. Hopefully that is right. Do you think guys and girls can be friends and just friends?

Goodbye for now,
Christian Sawka


  1. 1. I think that the reason you long for a companion is because you cannot accept that it is okay for someone to be single. Being in a relationship is flaunted and glorified from our youth as something that is great, but it is just as great to be single. Not enough focus is on that in our society today.

    2. Everyone has an initial attraction to those that eventually become their friends. From there I believe that as one grows closer and more understanding of one another they become truly attracted to one another. You don't get that close relationship with all of your friends, and sometimes when you think you do, something will eventually let you know that 'hey, this person doesn't know me as well I think' or 'hey, I don't know this person as well as i thought I did'.

    3. Comfortability with friends is a blessing for some, and a curse for others, in that some know how to use it wisely and others do not. Of course there are times where people make bad decisions and quickly flip back and forth such as myself in the past, as you know. My advice for you is to learn how to use comfortability with friends wisely. Open yourself up to people, let them know who you truly are and don't be afraid to do it, but don't put yourself in a position where you can be tempted to do something that you will regret later. Make wise decisions. Your idea of hanging out in groups of people will work out well for you, if you stick to it. As time goes on try to go into smaller groups until finally you feel like you can talk to a girl about anything, and not feel the need to do anything with her but talk.

    4. Have a goto guy friend. Someone that you can talk to about anything. Every guy needs a friend like this. Every girl needs a best friend thats a girl that she can talk to about anything. It has to be someone that you could trust with your life, your darkest secrets, your everything. Not that they need to know everything, but when any trouble or difficult situation comes you need to learn to turn to this person.

  2. 5. Sure, I'm single and always have been. I don't know what its like to be in a relationship. But I do see my friends making mistakes, some of them over and over and over again (not mentioning names), and I learn from that. Every time one of my friends has a failed relationship it makes me sad. Honestly. I've made a couple mistakes in my own life as well. You just have to learn from your mistakes and use that experience to not put yourself in the same position in the future.

    6. Learn to be satisfied with who you are. You're a single guy about to enter the prime of his life. Take it in stride, and don't worry about who you are going to be in a relationship with in the future. God is there for you, God is watching over you, God has a plan for you. Please do not let your own wants and desires come ahead of God's plan for your life, and trust me, you will know when you do that.

    7. I believe that any guy can just be friends with any girl, but it requires a lot of patience and self-discipline. The girl I date has to: be attractive to me, be attracted to me, have an admirable personality, like me for who I am, love God, love others, respect your passions, and have her passions respected by me. If you follow that list in order you will find out that it eliminates the number of girls that you would date drastically.

    PS. Note that in this entire post, I never mentioned physical touch directly except for now. Physical touch is a huge thing to avoid. Do not do anything with a girl that you are not dating. That means anything. Sure, you can hug in certain cases, but make proper decisions. In most cases amongst friends there is no need for physical touch. Save it for the girl you intend to marry. If you follow number 7, the girl that passes all of those should end up being a girl that you wish to marry, and physical touch shouldn't be a problem.

    Love God (Agape), Love Friends (Philos), Love your Lover (Eros). 3 types of love. Remember that. Philos doesn't require physical touch, but Eros thrives on it.

  3. Now why would you weed out the comments that aren't favourable to you? Or maybe they don't paint a very nice picture of you and that is a little unsettling.
    Be wary (Def: marked by keen caution, cunning, and watchfulness) of what you put on the internet for everyone to read and see. You say you are hurt by hearing about your not-so-nice reputation, then don't use this blog to cultivate that reputation. You are probably a nice guy who doesn't deserve some of the harsh comments you receive but deleting an entire discussion shows me you are shameful and cowardly.
    You claim, "I live by the life policy that there is no need for secrets and therefore I will be doing a no hold bars blog". Well, obviously not.

  4. Hey Anonymous,

    It has nothing to do with weeding out comments that are nor favourable for me or do not paint a nice picture for me. It is comments that have some of the following, vulgar language, racism, sexism, porn links, useless comments, pedophile references, etc... the list goes on. Those are things I do not want on my blog or anywhere on the internet for that matter. I was not hurt or offended by the comments I have tough enough skin to deal with that. But I do have guidelines I follow to make sure things do no escalade because under the title Anonymous you can post anything.

    I delete and entire discussion only when I truely believe it has nothing to benefit anyone in the world. You can get your point across as you have shown with using the terms 'faggot, child molester, f***er, etc..' do you not agree? I do not mind critism in the slightest. Does that make sense?

  5. As far as I could see, none of the comments here prior to your careful selection had those terms in them. So no, your excuse doesn't make sense.

  6. Hey Anonymous,

    If you want to give me your email I will show you all the comments I took off. I stand by what I said no vulgarity, racism, sexism etc...