Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Oh my God, where art thou?

I once had a dream. I dreamed big, I dreamed far and I believed God could. I do not know what has happened to me over these last months but those dreams are not there.

I felt so clearly God had called me to something great, to lay down my life and follow him. I pursued this for a while but somewhere along this road I replaced God with this world. I replaced the one God with idols of this world. I use to wake up with joy that has long been replaced with sadness and fatigue. Sometimes I wonder oh why could this be? 

I stress about the temporary and forget about the eternity. 

I focus only on the present and nothing on the creator.

Where did my love for God to? Where did my peace go? Where did my God go?

Did I lose him?

Did I misplace my God somewhere? 

God is never gone, never far away. Yet I did misplace him in my heart. I placed my lonelyness there, my need to be loved there, my need to be right, my need for a savior! I replaced my Savior with fillers.

I think my bible has more dust than a bookshelf, I pray as much as I run, and I worship as much as I clean (sparing at best)

I was at a conference on Thursday and the pastor said this 'Full-time minister part-time believer'. This sums up my life as it stands I am a full time student and a part-timer follower of Christ.

Hopefully today wakes me up, reminds me of where my focus is and who I should focus on. 



1 comment:

  1. Here for you bro.
    Keep strong. I'm with you every step of the way.