Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The Fear of Trust

Something I have learned over years is that I have some extreme trust issues. I have an extremely hard time trusting people. I tend to start off trusting people 100% and then as soon as something goes wrong I tend to stop trusting them right away and actually lose the trust I had for them. Even with my closest friends I have started to notice is that I stop trusting people when I become closer to them. If you look at my life there are very few people that often have been there for longer then a year minus one close friend simply because the closer I become with people the more fearful I become of being hurt. I have this massive FEAR of TRUST. So what does it actually mean to trust someone? For me it means to actually tell someone about your struggles, your fears and what you are trying to improve on. Sounds simple right? Well that is actually my biggest fear in life is that I will have to one day trust someone with everything about me. One of my greatest qualities is my ability to quickly trust people and share about my life but my greatest weakness is that I have the absolute fear of being close to people. 

Where did these problems start? I honestly do not know where they began I have a loving family, have has some awesome friends and have grown up around great examples. I am starting to figure out where do my trust issues stem from I am starting to see that I do not know. When going through my past it is a difficult thing but I know that sometimes the closest people I feel like I have been hurt the most by them. Yet the thing is I do not know if it was there fault or if it was my own fear of trusting. When you feel like someone has let you down you always have a choice do you forgive and work through it? or do you do what I have done over the years is just believe that they are untrustworthy?

How does one overcome the fear of trust? This is something I am working through during my depression I hit my ultimate low for my trust issues. I hated trusting people and I am still working on regaining my ability to trust people.  During my depression it was interesting, well interesting is a bad work but it was an extreme challenge. To actually start to trust people was a challenge all in itself. Anyone who is reading this who has trust issue themselves listen to this next part... Trusting is a great thing, being open is a great thing but you still have to be careful when trusting people. Start small instead of what I do, start by trusting people will small things and build up the trust until you feel comfortable. Trust is a relationship in itself like all relationships you need to start with a little bit of trust and then slowly build it up more and more. Do not be afraid to trust people but also DO NOT over trust right away. There is a level of being open and there is another thing about being emotionally naked (basically meaning sharing way way too much way to fast).

I wish I had the answer with for what the cure for the fear of trust is but I am still struggling with it. I trust people and yet do not trust people everyday. I often do not know the answer but I offer this advice, start small and work your way up. For me it is slowly working that I am learning to trust the 'right people' what I mean by that is people you feel comfortable with, and people you know who will not just be there to trust you too but also push you when you feel like backing away. Trust is the most fearful thing in my life! I hate trusting people because it creates and ultra sense of vulnerability. Think about it and maybe you can relate to having trouble trusting people.

Goodbye for now,
Christian Sawka

1 comment:

  1. I think for me I have learned to differentiate between what I know I can trust people with, and what I need to keep to myself. Its always good to not trust people with certain things, but other things really do need to be shared, and learning what you can and cannot share makes it a lot easier. Also, I tend to share a lot more personal information with people that I just meet and have no ties to, because that helps them to know who i really am. And when I say personal info, I mean I give them my full testimony. Now if I were connected to someone, I might reserve portions of that testimony for myself, merely because I do not want to have to trust someone else with keeping my info from my other friends that I may not have told everything to for one reason or another. Anyways, it takes a while to learn to do this well, as I only learned this at the end of our first year of t-dub.